Can I do it?

So, to come back to the C-section phobia thing. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't occupying my thoughts, particularly at night when I have far better things to do like sleep. I suppose it's partly that I can't imagine a birth other than Oliver's and so tales of women puffing and panting for a mere four hours or so seem rather alien.

To my shame, I also feel quite competitive about the whole thing. What if my other pregnant pals manage a VBAC (technical term - the last three letters stand for Birth After Caesarean, so you should be able to guess the V!) and I don't? What if I never get to experience the natural birth thing? Does it matter? I think the answer to that is clearly yes, it does to me anyway.

Lots of people say 'As long as the baby's healthy, it doesn't matter how they arrive'. This is of course true, yet I can't help being a little selfish about it too. It's my body, and I don't want it to be opened up again thanks very much.

Positive thinking has to be the way forward. The stats are all in my favour and the rest is up to me really. Perhaps the dread of another C-section will force me to get the baby out. One thing I do need to clear up with the consultant when I see him in Jan is whether there was any more I could have done to squeeze O out. I seem to have forgotten about the failed ventouse bit and just blamed myself for running out of puff...

Well, only time will tell. Some counselling will no doubt be in order if it's another Caesarean! Perhaps N can give me reduced rate sessions (sounds saucy. Speaking of which, can't think of anything I'd rather not do at the moment!!)

For anyone reading this who hasn't experienced the joys of childbirth (and there are many despite the above), this may all seem very self-absorbed. But I can't apologise. When your belly is as large as mine is getting and you can feel your baby squirming away merrily it is hard to think about much else, despite the presence of a toddler.